Friday, August 22, 2008

"Land of the Donk"

In this post I am going to talk about the lowest of all poker life forms, the unmistakable, undeniable DONK. If you have ever played poker in a serious environment (Excluding the weekly home games which is obviously full of donks) you have most likely encountered what is commonly referred to as the “donkey”. A donkey is a player who makes bad moves consistently and hits time after time sucking away all of your hard earned chips from right under your nose. They are foul creatures with absolutely no comprehension for the unwritten rules of the game. If you watch any of the tourneys that Phil “The Poker Brat” Hellmuth plays in you will see him call out donkeys time and time again. And while most of the time Hellmuth is considered a crybaby he does occasionally make some good points. These donkeys are despised throughout the poker community for their lack of skill. It is very hard to protect yourself against donkeys, as it is difficult to put them on a hand range due to the wide range of junk they play.

There are a couple key ways to pick out these lowly creatures. Below is a list of these telltale signs:

1. If they ask you if it is good if your cards are all the same color…they’re a donk.

2. If they call you all the way down to the river solely based on the fact that they have an ace in their hands…they’re a donk.

3. If they check after your raise only to be told that they have to call the raise and then decide to re-raise instead…they’re a donk.

4. If they watch you doing your chip tricks and say, “Wow, how do you do that”…they’re a donk.

5. If they call pre-flop raises with rags just because the cards are “suited” (A cousin Mikey special)…they’re a donk.

6. If they stand up and do the “fist pump” repeatedly while screaming, “yes” every time they suck out on you…they’re a donk (Sorry cousin Mikey, I had to put that one in bro).

One of the worst places to find donkeys is in the online arena. It almost seems as though this in the breeding ground for these scoundrels. The problem with playing online is that players don’t look at their chips as being real money. It is a lot easier to make a questionable call because all it takes is the click of a button and the bet is made, whereas in a live tournament you have to count out the chips and have more time to really think about your next move. Not only that but once you’ve made a call online there is no going back. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played in a botched up game where players bet into the pot only to remove the bet because they weren’t paying attention and bet incorrectly!?! Nothing steams me more than playing poker with players who can’t even stick to the basic rules of the game.

In the end because of the sheer mass of donkeys that play online at any given time I have dubbed the online poker arena the “Land of the Donks” and I’m sure I am not the first player to refer to it this way. Don’t get me wrong the Internet is a great place to learn the game quickly due to the fact that online players see far more hands and situations by making use of “multi-tabling” but the “donkey factor” is enough to drive even the most experienced player nuts!



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