Friday, January 23, 2009

Things to Make This Awful Weekend Fly By

You will thank me for this someday son...

Since the NFL decided to make the two week break a permanent fixture after the Patriots first Super Bowl win, sports fans everywhere have had the unenviable task of figuring out what to do on that empty Sunday in between. I have decided to give some of my favorite suggestions, in hopes of making this weekend go by a little faster.

1. Catch up on all of that crap you have put off since September.

You know what I am talking about. That piece of furniture you have been nagged to move, that light bulb that needs to be replaced, the dog that needs a bath. If you do it now you can use the weekend after the Super Bowl to be depressed that you miss football.

2. Fake sick

As you get older, faking sick is much easier, because you know not to put the thermometer right next to the light bulb. Get a fake temp of about 101 degrees, practice the fake cough, and put the heating pad on your forehead when no one is looking. Get up and stagger a bit because you feel "dizzy". Go to the bathroom and pretend to throw up (this can be accomplished by taking a cup of wate with ice cubes and splashing it in the toilet, the sound is dead-on). This allows you to get some much needed sleep, and the extra rest will come in handy when you are watching a media day recap at 2 AM Wednesday morning.

3. You down with OTB?

Go to your local OTB and bet on some horses if you need that gambling fix. 24 dollars buys you 10 boxed superfectas, and if you hit one, you probably make a profit. Get some food and beer while you are there and make a day of it. Plus no one will come after you looking for their money.

4. Go away

Take your significant other somewhere. Suck it up for a weekend, it buys you time and puts some good will in the bank for when you need it, like when you and your friends decide to spend NFL Draft weekend with a keg and beer pong.

5. Plan a drinking game for next week's SB Party.

I would suggest a shot for every time John Madden stutters, mentions Brett Favre, and comments on the sweat on a guys rear-end, but you probably wouldn't make it to half-time. I suggest planning something around every time Al Michaels mentions investing money, the gambling line, or someone in the production truck's golf game. Of course at the end of every shot someone has to scream "DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?"

That is all I can do, if you will excuse me I am going to go take a nap. Hopefully I don't wake up til Monday.



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