Friday, October 30, 2009

Hit Like A Girl-Incessant Sneaker Queaking

I want nothing to do with the World Series this year. In fact, I’ve been avoiding it altogether. I have to admit – it’s hard for me not to want the Yankees to win. New York is in my blood. I was born there, my parents were born there… but after seeing Tony Massarotti have the verbal shit kicked out of him I’m keeping my mouth shut. All I’m saying is that I can’t disagree with what he wrote.

Basketball is fun though, right? So let’s talk about basketball.

I really don’t like basketball. I don’t know if it’s the incessant shoe squeaking on the court, the endless fouls in the last two minutes of the game, or the fact that Kevin Garnett feels the need to purse his lips and tilt his head towards the sky like a chicken in the rain, but I’m just not a fan. Unfortunately, this week it has been impossible to avoid basketball. You know, being opening week and all. It also doesn’t help that I’ve recently become addicted to sports radio (Editor's Note:Like The Weekend Warm-Up on The Big Jab). I’ve learned a little something about sports radio in the process, too. Sports radio talk show hosts love drama (Editor's Note:Hi). Holy Christ you guys (Editor's Note:Sorry). From time to time it’s like listening to a bunch of high school girls gab about the latest gossip. And hey, Felger and Mazz? Enough with the Mark McGwire steroids chat. I almost drove off Route 128 the other day in a blind rage before I slammed the buttons on the radio to get you to shut the hell up.

The latest sports drama that piqued my interest was this Tim Donaghy fellow. Big Baby (ooh sorry, Glen Davis) and his complete failure as a human being was a close runner up. Seriously guy, how much are you paid each year? The least you can do is act right.

Back to Donaghy. Not like you haven’t heard, but the man wrote a book accusing referees of helping to rig games to boost ticket sales and TV ratings. No shit, huh? I’m sorry, but have any of you seen basketball before? I don’t even like basketball and I know that refs do this. I mean, all you need to do is tune in for the last two minutes and then pay attention to which players fouls are called on. Plus, the last two minutes of a close game are essential and sometimes it clearly comes down to what kind of mood the referee is in that day. Two free throws one way or the other in the final seconds of the game can decide the winner.

Please, please tell me you’re not surprised by this. Let’s use Lebron James as an example. Lebron is a physical player, but last year he averaged about 1-2 fouls per game. Watch the man play for 15 minutes and you’ll realize that him getting foul s so infrequently is ridiculous.

Aside from the allegations, which are so obviously true, how about this Donaghy guy? What a dingleberry. The man is already in trouble for betting and it seems as though he thought it would be appropriate to take the rest of the NBA down with him. The first thing I thought when I heard of this incident was, “oh no, not one of THOSE guys.” Oh yes, one of those guys.

On a more positive note, perhaps this will be seen as a call to action to all NBA referees! Maybe they’ll start calling games fairly. Maybe there won’t be an average of 50 fouls in the last two minutes of the game! Maybe the best team will win!
Probably not. But we’ve got as good a chance now as any to turn around reffing in the NBA. I say we thank Donaghy for doing some good and then ship him off to jail or some awful community service assignment for being such a dillhole.

Samantha Lewis is the author of "Hit Like a Girl". She is the Creative Director of Northshore Editorial in Salem, MA and can be followed on Twitter. She is counting the days until Milan Lucic returns to the ice.



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