Friday, March 26, 2010

Morning Jab Poetry Slam: Eric v. Matty

Due to technical difficulties, the audio from this classic exchange is sadly gone forever. However, due to the good work of Eric and myself, the poems have been transcribed for your reading pleasure.


Hello to my pals and friends
Please hold your applause 'til the end
History's proven the Kansas City Royals don't scout well
And I have a problem with you, Matt Boutwell

You were born in July of 1978
During the Red Sox Collapse, that was so great
I've seen some pics and I hope this doesn't hurt
but you REALLY fill out that LA Clippers shirt

Another fact about Joe's fill-in this week
It turns out he's, of course, a Star Wars geek
You co-host the show The Weekend Warm-Up
If you played ball you wouldn't need a cup

Have you ever once this decade gone clothes shopping?
It's obvious you make an art of buffet hopping
You think you've got us tricked but we're no fools
You'd be nothing without the genius of Jeff Schools

You're about as wise as going for it on 4th and 2
Chase Utley is a fraud and so are you
Your voice sounds like a record with a scratch
You've got a face for radio and a body to match

Brass Bonanza is probably your favorite song
I thought you didn't suck, but I was wrong
It's getting hard to admit you're a friend of mine
When you make guys like Ryan sound like Einstein

Do you think your takes are what we want to hear?
Sure, and Antonio Cromartie will win Father of the Year
No offense Matthew but you're a know-nothing louse
You're as welcome in here as Big Ben in a sorority house

Mr. Carlson was the boss on WKRP in Cincinnatti
Hope everyone liked the poem that I wrote for Matty


This is a response to Erroneous Eric, the legendary caller who sounds alot like the great Bo Derek.

He roots for the franchise that wears black and gold, but with two adult aged kids he must be insanely old.

Men At Work had a song called "Down Under". Eric's upset the Nesquick Bunny stole his thunder.

He drives around town in a bright yellow Honda. I hear before his surgery he was actually known as Rhonda.

He once was a teacher, a leader of men. I hope he keeps his daughter away from Big Ben.

While I thank him for immortalizing me in rhyme, sadly for him, 2010 is Tom Brady time.



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