Welcome to the first installment of Milwaukee’s Best Ice Picks of the week, where I will not only predict the outcome of each game, but also tell you whether the game will be as enjoyable to watch as stabbing yourself in the leg with an ice pick, or you should grab some beers and get ready for a great match up.
Tampa Bay at Chicago: We will start off with a game that features two teams with stout defenses and quarterbacks who have the dreaded "game manager" label. This game should be exciting if only because we could see the defenses and special teams score all the points.
I'll take a beer and Tampa Bay on the road, 20-13.
Kansas City at Atlanta: Week 2 was a bit of reminder for Matt Ryan that this is the NFL.....and now KC is going to remind Ryan that the NFL has some teams with college level talent. Look for Michael Turner to run over a defense that is giving up 213 rush yards per game.
Give me Atlanta 24-7......and I'll give me an ice pick to watch Bernard Pollard play football.
Oakland at Buffalo: The Bills have beaten up on two teams that have struggled with injuries, and while the game won't be too interesting to watch, at least we have the "Lane Kiffin Watch". I would look for D'Angelo Hall to lead everyone in yards with 154 penalty yards.
Gimme the Bills 28-13......and I'll take an ice pick in the eye everytime they show either Al Davis or his offense.
Houston at Tennessee: Houston has not played for two weeks because of hurricane Ike, while the Titans have surrendered just 17 points en route to a 2-0 start. With the VY situation behind them, look for the Titans offense to improve, and for Tennessee to be gracious hosts and push the Texans one game closer to starting the season 0-4.
Titans 24-6 and an ice pick in my leg.
Carolina at Minnesota: Carolina is 2-0 and has Jake Delhomme, Minnesota is 0-2 and has Gus Ferotte.....something tells me the Vikes' offense is not going to get the shot in the arm it needs. Carolina has pulled out a pair of wins by a combined 5 points, but they are finding ways to win while the Vikes are finding ways to lose games......and oh yeah, the Panthers get Steve Smith back.
Panthers in this one, 24-13, with a few beers.
Miami at New England: Well, no need to go over this one, Joey Porter guaranteed victory for the Fins......which means New England will cruise in this one, 20-7. Give me a nice tall Newcastle in honor of our new quarterback, Matt Cassel, may he make Joey Porter eat his words.
Cincinnati at New York: The Giants are coming off of a blow out in St. Louis, while the Bengals are 0-2, but their record doesn't fully demonstrate how bad they've been. Look for the Giants defensive line to dominate the Bengals offensive line, limiting what Eli has to do on offense with Brandon Jacobs grinding it out the ground and--jesus, we all saw Super Bowl 42, you know the Giants M.O. by now. I'll take those bastards from New York, 28-14. Pick me please everytime I hear "and Eli floats one to Burress".
Arizona at Washington: Arizona is 2-0 while Washington is coming off of an impressive win over the Saints. With Jason Campbell starting to grasp Jim Zorn's offense, and with Warner under center, two defensive coordinators may need to polish their resumes by Monday. I'm picking Matt Leinart over the girls in the hot tub......and the Cardinals 31-24. I'll toast to Clancy Pendergast and Greg Blache, may they keep Jason Campbell and Kurt Warner out of the end zone.
Detroit at San Francisco: This would be a great matchup if it were 18 years ago. Both teams have shown they can move the ball, and both teams have shown they cannot stop opposing teams from doing the same. Kitna is good for a few turnovers.
I'll take the Niners 28-24, and pick me please.
St. Louis at Seattle: Ah, too bad we can't get this came as the regional afternoon game. After about the umpteenth hit Bulger took last week, I thought someone was going to come out there with a piece of chalk and start drawing the outline. Meanwhile, Koren Robinson, that's right folks, Koren Robinson, is back with the Seahawks, meaning the punters could be the players of the game in this one. I'll take Seattle if only because they put up 30 this season.....yeah it was against San Fran, but let's not be too picky about this one. Hawks 28-9. But I'll need a pick for everyone thrown in this game.
New Orleans at Denver: If only I were immature would I insert an Ed Hochulli reference here.......well, Denver won last week on the strength of the worst call in Denver since Denny Neagle's choice in prostitute. Both teams can score, and both teams have suspect defenses at this point in the season. I'll take the Saints, and a tall glass of heaven, 31-28.
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia: The Eagles are coming of a hard fought loss to Jessica Simpson's Tony Romo's Dallas Cowboys, while Big Ben (hey kids, parliment) is nursing a sore shoulder. The Steelers are 2-0 but have yet to play a quality opponent while the Eagles offense looks legit.
I'll take the last NFC East team the Pats were able to beat in a Super Bowl, 28-17, and enjoy this game with a nice tall one.
Jacksonville at Indianapolis: Remember before the season how everyone was saying this is the year for the Jags? Well, if they can't beat Peyton Manning and the Colts this week, when can they? Sure, the Jags' offensive line is beat up, but the Colts are missing Jeff Saturday, Bob Sanders and more than likely Tony Ugoh.
Even with that said, I'll watch take big brother to continue to beat up on little brother with a bottle of suds, 24-14.
Cleveland at Baltimore: The Art Modell Bowl. Baltimore was suppose to play Texas, while the Browns were suppose to contend this year, and in order to contend, Cleveland's offense was suppose to be the bright spot (a robust 16 points thus far). Meanwhile, the Ravens took care of the hapless Bengals in week 1. Still, one has to think Derek Anderson will realize he is a few games away from losing his job.
Browns 24-17, and it was Ray Lewis, with an ice pick, in my living room.
Dallas at Green Bay: We all know Dallas has an explosive offense, and an annoying fan, but Aaron Rodgers has performed very well in replacing Bart What's His Name. I would expect Rodgers and the offense to move the ball against a somewhat overrated defense that is now missing Roy Williams.......though they won't miss his cover skills.
Still, the Packers' defense will not be able to slow down Romo and Co., and will take this sootout 38-27. I'll drink to that.
NYJNJ at San Diego: The Jets enter this game 1-1, while the Chargers enter with a painful 0-2. Favre has come out and said this is a must win for the Jets, unfortunately for him and his teammates, it's a must win for the Chargers as well. LT may be hobbled (damn it), but I would expect the Chargers defense to play much better than they did in Denver and not allow a blown call to decide the game.
Chargers 31-14, and I'll celebrate another loss for my second favorite team.