Monday Maledictions

Well, it’s Monday on a holiday week, and I think we all know exactly what means…No, not people taking vacation or people complaining they don’t have any vacation left to take (well ok, that too) but another edition of the Monday Malediction’s. With that snazzy little intro, let’s get to it.

Patriots Hang On in Buffalo

I don’t want to sound like negative Patriots fan here, but what exactly was the offense I saw in the second half? The Patriots used to be able to take charge in the second half, and make adjustments on the fly. It’s what made them so good. Now, a halftime lead means “Let’s run everything we ran in the first half again, and in exactly the same order.” The second half should have been a mix of runs and short, short passes. How about using Julian Edelman in a wildcat formation? How about a direct snap to Kevin Faulk? Screen pass to Moss? Option pass with Welker? I just cannot fathom how bad this offense is, when it’s supposed to be the strong-suit of this team. Mercifully, the Buffalo Bills were starting their 9th different offensive line combo yesterday (Deirdorf said it was the 8th yesterday, but Weekend Warm-up guest Mark Kelso said 9th on Saturday. I’m going with Kelso). I am not saying empty the playbook, but the fact the Patriots can’t close a team out in the second half, especially against a defense like Buffalo’s is very telling to me. This team will probably host a playoff game against the 5th seed, most likely Denver (which is coming off of a stellar effort against Oakland yesterday. By stellar I mean horrendous), which will be no cake-walk, and now they get a trip to San Diego in round 2 if they win. Normally, Belichick and Brady versus Norv Turner and Phil Rivers would be exciting, but instead it makes me queasy. They will beat Jacksonville next week, lose to Houston, beat Denver, and lose in the next round. On the bright side, maybe they can get plenty of second round picks in next year’s draft.

Could Roy Halladay get Cole Hamels back on track?

Jeff and myself spoke with ESPN’s Jayson Stark this weekend, and I asked him if the Phillies acquired Halladay in part because they think his work ethic, which has been praised for making AJ Burnett a better pitcher. Stark agreed that it was a big reason, and for proof, check out this quote from Burnett in the NY Daily News in early December:

"You're going to get a guy you can learn from," Burnett said. "When you're around him, he encourages you to get better. You watch him make himself better and it inspires you.”

Think Cole Hamels could benefit from that? It’s one thing to have Jamie Moyer on your staff as a mentor, it’s another to have Roy Halladay. Although I am sad to see Kyle Drabek go, this trade has brought an energy to the Phillies that may carry them right back to the World Series, and if Halladay and an untracked Hamels are at the top of their game, they might win their second World Series in three years.

How do you solve a problem like the Mike Lowell situation?

Well, this isn’t awkward at all. The Red Sox tried to trade Lowell (who took less money in 2007 to stay in Boston, only to have the love unrequited. It’s like Martha Jones and the Doctor if you are looking for a science fiction corollary) to Texas, and it wasn’t to make the team better, it was to unload him off the roster. The Red Sox have made it clear they don’t want Mike Lowell, who is a classy individual with great communication skills in the clubhouse, yet now they have to wait 6-8 weeks for things to clear up. The logjam of corner infielders is back, the logjam at DH is back, and that mild migraine Terry Francona had throughout last year is slowly returning. I don’t think Lowell will be on this roster on opening day, but the Red Sox will also be paying the full 12 million left on his contract instead of just 9. It’s too bad he couldn’t stay and be the DH but the resident softball player is gumming up that position with his lack of defensive ability.

Jimmie Johnson-AP Male Athlete of the Year, wait WHAT??

This, right here, may be the biggest load of horse crap I have seen in a long time. No disrespect to Jimmie Johnson, who I am sure is a helluva guy and is a great race car driver, but how could he win this award over Kobe Bryant, Usain Bolt, Tim Tebow, Drew Brees, Ben Roethlisberger, Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald, Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira (seriously, stop me when I name someone less deserving)? This is a failure of epic proportions. Are AP writers still shaking off the after-effects of Tiger Woods? I demand a recount.

Happy Halladays!

No this has nothing to do with Maine, New England, or the Red Sox. Yes, Matty is a Phillies fan, so he will post this as he sees fit. Happy Halladays!

Hit Like a Girl, Volume 2, The Halladay Chronicles

Yes CMSB readers, Matty has certainly lost his mind. Here I am again.

I feel like I should be writing about the All-Star game, but what’s there to say? The American League wins because Ichiro does some sort of whacky-voodoo before the game and the AL gets home field advantage. As a Red Sox fan I find it fabulous; as a baseball fan, not so much. At this point it all just seems rather sad and unfair. I mean, the National League doesn’t have a swearing man from Japan. We clearly have an advantage for that alone!

But I digress. The All-Star game isn’t what I want to talk about. Let’s discuss something less, well, discussed. Roy Halladay!

Yes, I am as weary of this topic as you are. But I had an epiphany Tuesday night around 10pm. I don’t care if the Sox get Halladay.

“But it’s Roy Halladay,” you say. “He’s the best pitcher in baseball!”

Yes, I know. I don’t care for this argument – mostly because it’s not an argument. The Sox have Beckett and Lester pitching phenomenally right now, and I have a feeling that Smoltz is going to loosen up and kick some ass. Plus, the bullpen is capable of sending players home crying to their mothers. I’m not concerned about pitching at all. How about a hitter? I adore Mike Lowell, but he’s on his way out. Let’s find a third baseman that can hit homeruns like Papi in his heyday.

“But have you seen his stats?!”

No. Stats make me start drooling and twitching. In fact, numbers of any sort have that effect on me. I fully understand what “the best pitcher in baseball” means, but I have absolutely no desire to go to MLB.com and start staring at a bunch of numbers for the rest of the night.

“But how wicked sick would it be to have him as our number 3 pitcher? Beckett, Lester, and Halladay?”

But how wicked sick would it be if Smoltz starts pitching well? And I really think he will. The Sox are calling up Buchholz, who is beyond ready to destroy a batter’s self esteem. If Buchholz doesn’t work out, the Sox have a disgusting amount of talent lying around somewhere, I’m sure. I’m convinced Theo Epstein keeps phenomenal pitchers locked in his basement… just in case. (Editor's note:He keeps it right next to his Gorilla costume)

“But we could definitely win the World Series!”

I know you still think I’m insane. Can we please stop drooling over the glitter and rainbow that is Roy Halladay? Think about what the Red Sox would have to give up just to get another pitcher. A month ago they were having difficulty because they had too much pitching. Who would we move to the bullpen or the minors? Sox management could barely make that decision when Dice-K was losing us games. Further, imagine who the Sox would have to trade just for another pitcher. Definitely Buchholz, probably Bowden or Bard, and then a fielder(like Lars Anderson). The Jays are looking for prospects; the Sox have a multitude, but I’m sure as hell not going to be happy when Papelbon leaves in 2011 because the Yankees offer him a fafillion dollars and we don’t have Napoleon Dynamite Daniel Bard (don’t pretend he doesn’t look like Napoleon Dynamite).

In the end let’s be realistic – the Jays aren’t actually going to trade him within the division. Halladay will probably look nice in a Phillies uniform anyhow.

Samantha Lewis is the author of "Hit Like a Girl". She is the Creative Director of Northshore Editorial in Salem, MA and can be followed on Twitter right here.