Friday, July 17, 2009

Hit Like a Girl, Volume 2, The Halladay Chronicles

Yes CMSB readers, Matty has certainly lost his mind. Here I am again.

I feel like I should be writing about the All-Star game, but what’s there to say? The American League wins because Ichiro does some sort of whacky-voodoo before the game and the AL gets home field advantage. As a Red Sox fan I find it fabulous; as a baseball fan, not so much. At this point it all just seems rather sad and unfair. I mean, the National League doesn’t have a swearing man from Japan. We clearly have an advantage for that alone!

But I digress. The All-Star game isn’t what I want to talk about. Let’s discuss something less, well, discussed. Roy Halladay!

Yes, I am as weary of this topic as you are. But I had an epiphany Tuesday night around 10pm. I don’t care if the Sox get Halladay.

“But it’s Roy Halladay,” you say. “He’s the best pitcher in baseball!”

Yes, I know. I don’t care for this argument – mostly because it’s not an argument. The Sox have Beckett and Lester pitching phenomenally right now, and I have a feeling that Smoltz is going to loosen up and kick some ass. Plus, the bullpen is capable of sending players home crying to their mothers. I’m not concerned about pitching at all. How about a hitter? I adore Mike Lowell, but he’s on his way out. Let’s find a third baseman that can hit homeruns like Papi in his heyday.

“But have you seen his stats?!”

No. Stats make me start drooling and twitching. In fact, numbers of any sort have that effect on me. I fully understand what “the best pitcher in baseball” means, but I have absolutely no desire to go to and start staring at a bunch of numbers for the rest of the night.

“But how wicked sick would it be to have him as our number 3 pitcher? Beckett, Lester, and Halladay?

But how wicked sick would it be if Smoltz starts pitching well? And I really think he will. The Sox are calling up Buchholz, who is beyond ready to destroy a batter’s self esteem. If Buchholz doesn’t work out, the Sox have a disgusting amount of talent lying around somewhere, I’m sure. I’m convinced Theo Epstein keeps phenomenal pitchers locked in his basement… just in case. (Editor's note:He keeps it right next to his Gorilla costume)

“But we could definitely win the World Series!”

I know you still think I’m insane. Can we please stop drooling over the glitter and rainbow that is Roy Halladay? Think about what the Red Sox would have to give up just to get another pitcher. A month ago they were having difficulty because they had too much pitching. Who would we move to the bullpen or the minors? Sox management could barely make that decision when Dice-K was losing us games. Further, imagine who the Sox would have to trade just for another pitcher. Definitely Buchholz, probably Bowden or Bard, and then a fielder(like Lars Anderson). The Jays are looking for prospects; the Sox have a multitude, but I’m sure as hell not going to be happy when Papelbon leaves in 2011 because the Yankees offer him a fafillion dollars and we don’t have Napoleon Dynamite Daniel Bard (don’t pretend he doesn’t look like Napoleon Dynamite).

In the end let’s be realistic – the Jays aren’t actually going to trade him within the division. Halladay will probably look nice in a Phillies uniform anyhow.

Samantha Lewis is the author of "Hit Like a Girl". She is the Creative Director of Northshore Editorial in Salem, MA and can be followed on Twitter right here.



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