Thursday, July 31, 2008

Manny to Green Bay?

So Manny wants to be traded straight up for Brett Favre? Okay, we can break that one down. I’m not sure either team would agree to it, but it will be my job to try to convince them that’s its worth it.

I’ll start with Manny Ramirez as quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.

Here are the Negatives

-The first hurdle would be the drug test. I hope Manny has a nice masking agent, because we all know why you hang out in the Green Monster…and let me stress the word Green.

-Manny goes 6’0”, 200…That is fairly small for an NFL quarterback. In comparison, Rex Grossman goes 6’1” 215, and he is tiny (and worthless). Manny’s size could certainly scare the Pack away, unless Ramirez goes all Doug Flutie on us…and that aint happening.

-A quarterback must have quick instincts. I don’t believe the word quick is in the Manny dictionary.

-A quarterback must be a leader, and be vocal. Manny only opens his mouth to complain about his contract.

-A quarterback must be able to memorize a playbook, and decipher signs and codes. Manny…err… (See write-up on drug testing).

Here about the Positives:

-Manny has a deceptive arm. He could lull you to sleep, and then all of a sudden toss a 50 yard bomb.

-Manny is probably a huge fan of Bratwurst…the official food of Wisconsin.

-Manny is an aggressive runner. He would be willing to go that extra yard. (I know really bad cliché).

-Just imagine the possibilities of those touchdown celebrations.

-An incentive-laden contract would push him to actually compete.

After breaking it down I think it’s safe to say Manny could quite possibly be the worst quarterback of all time…or could start for the Chicago Bears.

So how about Favre? Could he control Fenway’s left field? Let’s go to the tape.

First, the negatives:

-He’s nearly 39 years old. Only pitchers and Julio Franco should compete at and beyond that age.

-If he is rushed to make a throw, expect Jerry Remy to intercept the ball in the press box.

-Fans will have to endure countless years of retirement talk.

-He will be second to Tom Brady as QB God in New England. This may crush him.

-Let’s be honest, that man can’t hit a curveball.

-I sense problems with Dustin Pedroia.

The positives:

-Brett can chew tobacco freely with his teammates.

-Brett does have a hell of an arm. Even with no accuracy, he should still manage to hold runners at third.

-His redneck ways will go over well with Mike Timlin and Curt Schilling.

-I don’t believe pain killers are frowned upon in the MLB. Have at it Favre!

-John Madden will become the Red Sox biggest fan…wait…maybe this should be a negative.

This is an easy call. Brett Favre just wouldn’t cut it with the Sox. It’s not that he can’t play some outfield; it’s the John Madden link. I think the Pirates would love Favre in the outfield…maybe more than 2,000 fans would care.

Now if this trade were actually to happen who gets the better deal? Neither team. But if I was forced to answer, The Packers would get my vote. It has nothing to do with Manny or Brett. To be honest, I’m sick of both of them. The reason why Green Bay gets my vote is simple. Jon Madden would leave the Cheese State, and follow Favre to New England. Good luck trying to find a good lobster after that tubby rolls through.

Chris Sedenka is the host of the PM JAB, which can be heard weekdays between 3-7pm on 95.5FM and AM1440 Sportsradio WJAB in Central and Southern, Maine.


MattyMSM said...

You are forgetting the Wrangler commercials from in front of the Green Monster...

MattyMSM said...

Also if he fumbled, and the ball was under his ass, he would just laugh about it as defenders picked it up and took it the other way...

Anonymous said...

I don't know that I want Favre and Kaczur wokring in the same region.....they may both decide to retire and open up a CVS out of the trunks of their cars.


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