Friday, April 30, 2010

Lebron James could be a Part-Time Actor



Friday is the best day of the week. It’s even better this week because it’s going to be warm this weekend. It’s going to be warm and I have nothing to do. Excuse me a moment while I daydream about that…

Alright, I know you’re here to read about sports. This week I’m going to stray from my usual hockey and baseball topics and talk about basketball, everyone’s favorite shoe squeaking sport. You’ll be glad to know I’ve added “unnecessary drama” to my list of reasons for hating the NBA.

In honor of Lebron James and his Academy Award winning performance, I’m going to type this piece with one hand. My left hand. I seem to be getting carpal tunnel in my right, and in these essential moments of writing this bit before Matty asks if I’ve disappeared from the planet, I’m just going to mess around a bit. Why? Well don’t I seem so much cooler? Fighting through dreaded carpal tunnel just to write this piece for all my adoring fans?! Life is rough.

Yeah, I’m rolling my eyes too.

If you haven’t seen the infamous shot, you can check it out on YouTube here. If you were his coach, wouldn’t you want to wring his neck? If I were his coach I would go out there, break both of his knees, and yell, “NOW YOU KNOW WHAT PAIN FEELS LIKE.” A bruised elbow? A bruised elbow. You have got to be friggin kidding me. Basketball is the worst. You’ve got sports like hockey and football where the players are getting smashed every minute of the game. Do you think they’d stop for a bruised elbow? Hell no. They laugh at bruised elbows. They say, “elbow, you silly bitch, get back in the game.” Even baseball players can get nailed with a ball and still run the bases. You want a bruised bone? Get hit in the elbow with a 98 mph fast ball. Can you imagine that happening to Lebron James? He would writhe in agony and scream for his momma.

Don’t even get me started on the rest of the league. We all know nothing can compete with Paul Peirce being taken off the court in a wheelchair only to return minutes later. What?! Have you seen the photo of his face? He looks like he’s going to pass out from the waves of pain shooting through his body. “Nah, just kiddin’ guys. I’m coo, I’m coo.”

I have a prediction for the Cavs – Celts series. No, it’s not a prediction of how many games will be played and it’s not a prediction of who will win. My prediction is that instead of playing basketball, Paul Pierce and Lebron James will have a diva-off. Yes. Who will get the refs to call the most penalties after they cry and jump around like a 5 year old girl? Who will fall down the most after barely being touched? Will they both leave in wheelchairs? Personally, I think Lebron will arrange to be air lifted from the stadium and to the nearest hospital, only to return 15 minutes later after he has jogged back to the court under his own power. Man, nothing can hold that guy down for long!

I will not be watching the NBA playoffs. For those of you who can stand it, I salute you. The amount of acting in basketball is vomit inducing. As for players like Lebron James and Paul Pierce? Grow a pair.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports blogger by night. She can say with confidence that her 5 year-old neice is tougher than an NBA player. You can read more from Samantha at Beantown Athletic Supporters and follow her on Twitter here.

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