Thank you, Kessel!

Oh Bruins fans, you are so amusing.

Last night, Tyler Seguin scored his second NHL goal. At home. Against the Toronto Maple Leafs. The team who essentially secured the Bruins Tyler Seguin. Thanks for sucking last year, guys!

Chants of "Thank you, Kessel!" rained down onto the ice, but don't worry. Kessel didn't care.

“I could care less, to tell you the truth. It doesn’t matter to me one bit,’’ he said.

Well, it matters to fans. And you still look like a troll. I'm telling you guys, Kessel has a little jewel in his belly button.


The resemblance is scary, right?

Let's get back to what's important. The players that the Bruins shipped out haven't only landed us Tyler Seguin. They've landed us the likes of Nathan Horton, and Greg Campbell. A previously under-achieving dinkus and the son of the league's disciplinarian have turned out to be a goal scoring machine and a scrappy little nutbag. Not too shabby, right? And lets not forget that not only has Tyler Seguin shown fans and Bruins staff that he can adapt and learn in his new NHL environment, but he's now officially officially a member of the Boston Bruins. That's right, friends. They've decided to keep the lad. This means two things:

1. The Bruins are going to kick some serious butt this year.
   
2. I get to feel like a pedophile for as long as Seguin is on the Bruins.

I'm getting old, guys. I'm 5 years older than Tyler Seguin. When I look at his rock solid abs and think about washing my panties on them, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for being attracted to someone who is younger than my little brother. I'm a sick, sick person. Why can't everyone look like Nathan Horton?

So that's what I'll be doing for the next week. Fantasizing about a Stanley Cup and trying to keep my dirty mind in check.

Samantha Lewis is a flake and an occasional sports blogger. She has now added "cougar" to that list. Please pray for her salvation. You can follow her on Twitter here.

Bad Things Happen When Belichick Smiles

Maybe it's not a bad thing. I don't think I've decided yet. All I know is that when Billy Belichick showed his teeth, Randy Moss got traded to the Minnesota Vikings.

Let's just take a minute and look at the sequence of events:

1. Week One: Randy Moss runs his mouth during the post-game press conference claiming that he feels under appreciated and that he is unsure of his future.


2. Week Two: The Patriots lose a devastating game to the New York Jets. Moss scores a touchdown and has 38 receiving yards. Oh boy.


3. Week Three: The Patriots beat the Buffalo Bills. Barely. Two touchdown passes, 42 receiving yards. Whatever.


4. Week Four: The Patriots come back in the second half to slaughter the Miami Dolphins. Moss is a total non-factor. Bill Belichick smiles.


5. Week Four and a Half: Moss is traded to the Minnesota Vikings.

So, Raaaandy started the season vocalizing his concerns about his status with the team, making for some quality entertainment, and essentially cementing his status as a Patriot. Now, I'm not saying that was the final nail in the coffin... oh, wait. Yes I am. If they were undecided on what to do with the infamously mouthy Randy Moss before that press conference, they had their answer afterwards. When the trade to the Vikings presented itself, they were more than happy to unload him.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Moss drew coverage away from players like Hernandez, Welker, and Edelman, giving Tom Beiber, er, Brady, more passing options. He made some of the most incredible and exciting touchdown catches Patriots fans have ever seen. He... well, I guess he didn't really do anything else. But with a team this young, is now the right time to be getting rid of all of your veteran players? If it wasn't a bridge year before, it certainly is now. I'm feeling like this whole "In Belichick We Trust" thing is getting old. My new motto is "Belichick: What the Hell?!" The Patriots exceptional offense could have made up for the work-in-progress defense this season. Now, while the defense is developing, the offense will be trying to figure out how to adjust their play. Super Bowl XLV? Probably not.

Who knows though. Stranger things have happened. At least we know how the Vikings season will end: With an intercepted pass intended for Randy Moss.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports blogger by night. She thinks that Bill Belichick's teeth have special powers. You can follow her on Twitter here!

Boston has a Baseball Team?

Boston is finally headed into some of it's more exciting sports seasons. Football is well underway, and even the Patriots' mentally challenged defense can't ruin that for me. The Bruins are overseas for the last leg of the pre-season/start of the regular season. The Celtics have started practices, and despite my dislike for basketball, I think I'll tune in this season.

Oh, and then there's that baseball team. The one whose season is over. The Red Sox, was it? Huh. I forgot all about those sad sons of bitches.

I haven't watched much baseball this season. Maybe that makes me a fair weather fan, but baseball is slow enough without your team sucking. And everyone you love being injured. And your supposed "Ace" only winning SIX GAMES. SCREW YOU JOSH BECKETT.

In all seriousness, it wasn't that bad. No, really. Considering that half the team broke a vital limb and the Red Sox essentially became the Paw Sox this season, it could have been way worse. EXCEPT FOR YOU, BECKETT. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOU.

My Predictions Are like a Curse

I'm not going to write about the Pats this week. I wrote about them last week, got a little cocky, and look what happened. The defense barfed all over themselves. And then the offense stepped in it.

I did get to field texts from my Jets loving family, which is always fun. Here's a small sampling:

Jets! Jets! Jets!!

And that's another New York first down

... I told ya so

They are kicking ass today!

The good news is that this week we have the Bills. If we can't beat the Bills then
I'm going to barf all over myself.

Enough about barfing. It's Friday. We're all supposed to be happy. I'm happy because:

1. I am less than a day away from being able to sleep for 12 straight hours
2. Bruins pre-season has started

I know that most Bruins fans aren't quite over last season's pathetic meltdown, but I'm kind of like a puppy that won't stop eating your bras. No matter how many times you smack me on the nose, I'm going to go back for another. Plus, this season is going to be different! Really!

Let's talk logically for a minute, though. No matter how awesome I want to believe this season will be, there are a few outstanding issues.

1. Defense! This week, I entusiasically told my dad that the Bruins were going to kick ass this season. He said, "Sweetie, you don't have a defense." Um, yes. We have Chara and Seidenberg... and... Boychuck? Oh, and Glass Bones Ference. And Mark Stuart? Is his hand cellulite gone yet? Point being: It's not as solid as I'd imagined in my delusional little brain.
2. Tuukka vs. Timmy. While it's obvious that Tuukka has earned his starting job in Boston, we've still got another goalie sitting around. A goalie that had hip surgery in the off season. A goalie that is being paid 5 million to be a back-up. Will they keep Thomas around while Tuukka continues to adjust to the NHL? Will Thomas accept his new role? Was Tuukka's break out season a fluke?
3. Seguin. When you read that name, please think of the sound of angels singing and the heavens opening up. Tyler Seguin may be the only reason some fans are excited for this season to start. Last year, scoring was a huge issue. This year, should Seguin make the team, the Bruins have a chance to turn that around. But should we really expect the kid to come out scoring 50 goals? Comparisons have been made to Steve Stamkos, one of the most underrated goal scorers in the league. Does this mean that Seguin's first season will be a flop, though? Or is he a mature enough 18 year old to jump right into the fire?
4. Speaking of scoring... what about Savard? In his first game back following a monster concussion, he scored an epic goal that no fan will soon forget. It was a moment of pure elation. And then... well, then he sucked it up for the rest of the playoffs. Now, it seems that Savvy is experiencing some "post-concussion symptoms", making it difficult for him to even think about being on the ice. Despite the "too many men" controversy, it's clear we need Marc Savard for an effective powerplay. How will the Bruins fare if they have to make due without him?

Here's to hoping they work out all the kinks in the pre-season and head to Prague ready to show the NHL what they've got.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports blogger by night. She can't think of anything witty to say right now, so just follow her on Twitter here.

Hit Like a Girl- Everyone Deserves Ice Cream After A Win

Hi. My name is Kat, and I'm a New England sports writer who isn't a Patriots fan.

Do you understand how off-putting that is to New Englanders?

It is not that I don't like football. I love it - it's been my favorite sport to watch since I was ten years old. I love other sports too, but football was the root of why I wanted to become a sports writer and why I am a sports fan. Sports Illustrated's Super Bowl XXIX's coverage was so inspiring - the detail of the highs, lows, and emotional and physical toll of winning a championship - that I aspired right then and there, with that issue in my lap, that that telling that story on any level was what I wanted to do with my life.

You may pin this on me being from another part of the country, but I have adopted every other team that New England has to offer - even the pro lacrosse teams. But I stay rooted to being a Buffalo Bills fan - I'll pause to let you groan - even as they visit lows only known to Oakland Raiders fans.

Despite the risk of sounding like Dan Shaughnessy (and trust me, he is a sportswriter I don't risk to emulate), one of my main reasons of not liking the Patriots is that you can't see that struggle, the fight, the lows that any athletic team - be it 5 year olds playing T-ball or 25 year olds playing pro football - that they go through. The Patriots only seem to operate on a one-dimensional level. When they struggle, they close ranks. When they lose, they don't talk about it. When they win, there is no obvious joy. It's only back to work.

It works for them. There is no questioning their massive successes on the field, in the media, and at the bank. They are running an operation like none other we've seen in professional sports - changing and challenging the norm as they go. I'm not saying fans can't be fans of them - please relish your fandom! Celebrate that your team actually win games! Trust me, it's a celebration I would love to have.

The Patriots just are not inspiring to me. I Just win, baby, but don't relish in the victory. Don't we watch sports for the inspiration and escapism? Don't we enroll our children in Little League for the fun of it, for the lessons that you learn from the struggles, and for the celebration of taking them out to ice cream after a good game? Where are those reasons we are devoted to sports ourselves within the Patriots?

Why do the media focus on the sensational nature of the Patriots - of Belichick's infidelities, of Brady's car accidents, of trying to figure out who is actually injured because it only reads "So-and-So (Upper Body)"? Because in the team's desire to seem super-human, we've lost the humanism of sport.

With Belichick's coaching family tree spreading throughout the NFL, I worry that the same things that inspired me to be a sports writer fifteen years ago will no longer be available to write about. In the effort to appear fiercely competitive, teams will close themselves off, not to show the very aspects sports fans love about sport.

Heck, those very aspects that show us that they are just like us - they just hit the gym a lot more than we all do.

Kat Hasenauer Cornetta is a freelance sports writer in Boston, MA. You can find her writing at SBNation Boston, The College Baseball Blog, Examiner.com, and Inside Lacrosse. She also works on the Hockey on Campus radio show. Follow her on Twitter here

Dearest Bruins: Please win.

I’m just going to throw this out there now: if the Bruins lose tonight, I’m going to be devastated.

It’s not practical, it makes no sense. The Bruins are missing one of their top centers. Their other top center is still a little tweaked. Our defense is… well, you know what it is. Seidenberg is still out for his suicide attempt (kidding! Sliced wrist. Same thing.). Chara can’t be expected to carry the whole defense. Oh, and the offense… take care of that too oh Captain, my Captain! Blake Wheeler has been moved to the first line (WHAT?!) because he is actually better than someone on the team (Paille) despite the fact that he avoids the puck like he would avoid someone with herpes. Dennis Wideman, Michael Ryder, and Matt Hunwick are non-factors.

Despite all of this, I will still be upset. Upset isn’t even the right word. I will be crushed. All the odds are against them, but I would still be crushed. But why, you ask? Because I actually think they can win. See, if I thought they were going to lose tonight, I would be fine. But some displaced logic is making me believe that they can pull this off. That the magical team we saw against Buffalo and in the first three games against the Flyers is going to valiantly skate onto the ice tonight and say, “Just kidding, guys.”

This is what I need. Literally. Need.

1. The Slovakian Dance of Joy.
2. Patrice Bergeron goal. Top shelf.
3. Shawn Thornton’s fist, meet Mike Richards’ face.
4. Dennis Wideman to remain upright.
5. Mark Recchi goal.
6. No scoring chances for Simon Gange or Danny Briere.
7. Chara Bomb.
8. Dennis Seidenberg. Seriously. Just bring him back. I’m sure he’s fine.
9. A robot arm for Krejci.
10. Marc Savard game winning goal. Start the series with one, end the series with one.
    

If I am not provided with this, or at least some of this, it’s likely I’ll be joining the rest of the Bruins fans at the city’s newest hot spot: the Tobin Bridge.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports blogger by night. As someone who moved to Boston just 6 years ago, she doesn't know how life-long Bruin fans have survived this team. You can read more from her at Beantown Athletic Supporters and follow her on Twitter here.

Blind Faith

Tonight is the moment of truth. Can the Bruins sweep the Flyers? I don’t know about you, but I’ve got my broom ready.

Normally, I wouldn’t be this optimistic. Normally I would say, “Krejci is out, we’re plagued with injuries, the Flyers are going to get too physical, and then they’re screwed. They’ll blow it.” In fact, I’ve said similar things throughout the season. I can’t get myself to think like that anymore. Perhaps it’s the fact that every time fans have doomed them due to an injury they manage to find a solution. Perhaps it’s because no one thought they could even make it to the playoffs and here they are a win away from the conference finals. I know this will eventually lead to heartbreak and severe depression (I’ve got my shrink on speed dial), but I’ve decided to dive in. No, I’m not going to be as insane as those people who think the team can do no wrong, but I am going to be one of those people who thinks they have a chance.

I’m not trying to downplay the Krejci injury. He’s one of the most important pieces of the Bruins offense. But didn’t fans freak out when Savard was out multiple times this season? And when Lucic was out? And when Bergeron was out? They were a little wobbly, but they made it work. At least have enough faith to believe they can figure it out for this series.

How? Who cares? Is it really time to be logical? The Bruins being in the playoffs makes no sense! Don’t you understand that, Internet? How did that even happen? Screw wondering how they’re going to pull it together without Krejci. Stop lamenting about how The AHL Bruins can’t possibly match up to any NHL team. You’re being drama queens to the point where you’re missing what’s going on. The Bruins are kicking ass in the playoffs! I know that technically I’m supposed to analyze these things for you. I’m supposed to be able to tell you what the line combinations are going to look like and how I think Savard will hold up having to play more minutes than expected. I’m supposed to talk about Mark Stuart and what his return will mean for the defense. Well, guess what? I don’t care. Starting tonight, I’m going to allow myself to be a hockey fan. I’m going to stuff my face with more food than I can handle, I’m going to scream at the TV like a barbarian, and I’m not going to intellectually contemplate the effectiveness of the powerplay.

You may want to think about doing the same. Who knows how long this will last. The Bruins have already given fans more than we expected. Grab a beer and enjoy it while it’s here.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports blogger by night. She's enjoying basking in the Bruins playoff glory. You can read more from here at Beantown Athletic Supporters and follow her on Twitter here!

Lebron James could be a Part-Time Actor

Friday is the best day of the week. It’s even better this week because it’s going to be warm this weekend. It’s going to be warm and I have nothing to do. Excuse me a moment while I daydream about that…

Alright, I know you’re here to read about sports. This week I’m going to stray from my usual hockey and baseball topics and talk about basketball, everyone’s favorite shoe squeaking sport. You’ll be glad to know I’ve added “unnecessary drama” to my list of reasons for hating the NBA.

In honor of Lebron James and his Academy Award winning performance, I’m going to type this piece with one hand. My left hand. I seem to be getting carpal tunnel in my right, and in these essential moments of writing this bit before Matty asks if I’ve disappeared from the planet, I’m just going to mess around a bit. Why? Well don’t I seem so much cooler? Fighting through dreaded carpal tunnel just to write this piece for all my adoring fans?! Life is rough.

Yeah, I’m rolling my eyes too.

If you haven’t seen the infamous shot, you can check it out on YouTube here. If you were his coach, wouldn’t you want to wring his neck? If I were his coach I would go out there, break both of his knees, and yell, “NOW YOU KNOW WHAT PAIN FEELS LIKE.” A bruised elbow? A bruised elbow. You have got to be friggin kidding me. Basketball is the worst. You’ve got sports like hockey and football where the players are getting smashed every minute of the game. Do you think they’d stop for a bruised elbow? Hell no. They laugh at bruised elbows. They say, “elbow, you silly bitch, get back in the game.” Even baseball players can get nailed with a ball and still run the bases. You want a bruised bone? Get hit in the elbow with a 98 mph fast ball. Can you imagine that happening to Lebron James? He would writhe in agony and scream for his momma.

Don’t even get me started on the rest of the league. We all know nothing can compete with Paul Peirce being taken off the court in a wheelchair only to return minutes later. What?! Have you seen the photo of his face? He looks like he’s going to pass out from the waves of pain shooting through his body. “Nah, just kiddin’ guys. I’m coo, I’m coo.”

I have a prediction for the Cavs – Celts series. No, it’s not a prediction of how many games will be played and it’s not a prediction of who will win. My prediction is that instead of playing basketball, Paul Pierce and Lebron James will have a diva-off. Yes. Who will get the refs to call the most penalties after they cry and jump around like a 5 year old girl? Who will fall down the most after barely being touched? Will they both leave in wheelchairs? Personally, I think Lebron will arrange to be air lifted from the stadium and to the nearest hospital, only to return 15 minutes later after he has jogged back to the court under his own power. Man, nothing can hold that guy down for long!

I will not be watching the NBA playoffs. For those of you who can stand it, I salute you. The amount of acting in basketball is vomit inducing. As for players like Lebron James and Paul Pierce? Grow a pair.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports blogger by night. She can say with confidence that her 5 year-old neice is tougher than an NBA player. You can read more from Samantha at Beantown Athletic Supporters and follow her on Twitter here.

Doom! Misery! Destruction!

Dear Bruins Fans:

I know that you’re probably freaking out after last night’s loss to Buffalo. How do I know? Because you’re all insane, myself included. To soothe your aching soul, I’m going to give you five reasons not to worry.

It’s only the first game. The beautiful thing about playoff hockey is that there are seven games. Seven! The B’s showed that they could play with Buffalo last night, especially in the second period. When they’ve lost 3, you may start freaking out.

Tuukka Rask is the second coming of Christ. Blasphemy, I know. Fortunately, I’m not religious. The point is there is no better goalie to face Buffalo and Ryan Miller, goaltender extraordinaire, than the Tuukkinator.

Buffalo doesn’t have many high scoring games. This sort of goes with Tuukka being the balls. Clearly the Bruins scoring abilities are mediocre at best. Buffalo has better scorers, but it’s rare that they have high scoring games. If our offense can get a little creative and Tuukka can keep making saves, we have a real shot to win.

Your blood pressure. You can’t worry. You’ll kill yourself.

Who cares if they win or lose? Blasphemy! Shut up. You can’t look me in the eyes and tell me that you thought the Bruins would even make it this year. And let’s be realistic, if they get out of this round, their next opponent will prove to be more of a challenge. Here’s the way I’m looking at it: this is great playoff experience for Tuukka. Next year, when we have Taylor Hall or Tyler Seguin, we will make it to the playoffs again and with a better chance of winning multiple rounds.

Bruins fans are all really too high-strung. It’s the playoffs. Just enjoy them while they’re here.

-Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports blogger by night. She will tell you not to worry now, but if the Bruins lose on Saturday she will have no hair left. You can read more from her at Beantown Athletic Supporters or follow her on Twitter here.

What to Do about Big Papi

It’s officially baseball season in Boston, which can only mean one thing: we are doomed.

This week’s “we are doomed” is mostly a result of David Ortiz. Screw the war overseas, what the hell are we going to do about this guy?! It’s a matter of national crisis, a hot topic of debate, and if you say the wrong thing, you may lose a finger.

Honestly though, what are we going to do about Big Papi? His production has steadily declined over the past couple years, no doubt a result of aging (and dare I say a lack of PEDs). We really can’t expect him to hit 54 home runs or knock in 137 RBIs. Unfortunately, the way the team is set up this year, that’s what we need.

In theory, the Red Sox team is a haven for Golden Glovers. A defensive paradise, if you will. While run prevention is all sorts of fabulous, we’re still going to need to score runs. If this was the 2006 or 2007 Red Sox, we’d be all set. Papi would be our man, hitting fastballs with the greatest of ease. Well guys, he can’t do that anymore. He probably won’t exceed 30 home runs this year, and I doubt he’ll get over 100 RBIs either. This isn’t bad by any stretch of the imagination, but when you’ve got a team that’s all about defense, you need at least one strong hitter on offense. Also, if we have to wait until mid-season for this guy to start hitting I will lose my mind.

“But he had a hit Wednesday night against the Yankees!”

Screw you. He’s 1 for 11. Meanwhile, we’ve got Mike Lowell on the bench. Is Lowell really a better hitter than Ortiz? In terms of consistent production, I’d say yes. I think that Lowell is someone that we’re not going to have to wait until halfway through the season to see results from. Put him in the DH position now and he’ll be hitting in Dustin Pedroia and maybe V-Mart with some frequency. But instead, Theo and Tito are waiting it out. I can maybe understand this strategy if Ortiz just had an iffy year last year. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that he’s been consistently declining though. I’m apt to think that these guys have lost their minds. I mean, at least throw Lowell in against a lefty pitcher. You’re paying him, Papi is bad against lefties, so use Lowell. This is not rocket science.


This is a sport, not a best friend contest. When a player isn’t producing, and hasn’t been producing, over a period of time, you sit him and try someone else. Forget about hurt egos and hurt feelings, that’s what you’re signing up for when you get involved in any athletic activity. I’m aware that it’s still early. We’ve only played 3 games. But for a guy with something to prove, he needs to be stronger than he is now.

All I’m asking is that if the end of April Big Papi is not hitting, pull him and try Lowell as your regular starting DH. I want to remember Ortiz as a home-run hitting beast, not a declining player who swears at the media.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports writer by night. In her free time she hits opposite field home runs. You can read more from her at Beantown Athletic Supporters.

The Bruins Are an Unamusing Rollercoaster

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Bruins are like an abusive spouse. They make us feel secure and loved with wins and promises of sixth place, but then they turn around, call us a “bitch”, and slap us in the face.

The Bruins lost to the Lightning last night. The Tampa Bay Lightning. The Tampa Bay Lightning with only one player worth mentioning (What’s up, Steven Stamkos?). At this point, the Bruins hold onto eighth place by two points. The Atlanta Thrashers and the New York Rangers are right behind them. The Bruins will probably make the playoffs, right? I think. Maybe.

This season, you never know what you’re going to get. Will fans see an impenetrable Tuukka Rask and a top-notch defense or will we see a less-impressive Tuukkinator and a sloppy defense? Will fans see an offense full of scoring ability or an offense that struggles to get two goals? It’s gotten to the point where followers and analysts can’t really base predictions on any facts or figures either. The B’s have beaten teams like the Flyers and the Sabres, they can even usually win against teams directly below them, and then they go and lose to teams like the Lightning and the Maple Leafs.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

Is anyone else insanely confused? I mean, on any given night I have no idea if I’m going to walk away from a game pleased or ripping my hair out regardless of whether they play the Capitals or the Hurricanes. Chances are, they’ll lose both.

There’s a great piece in the Globe right now asking, “Do you believe in the Bruins?” and ending with, “get back to me tomorrow.” I’m not sure anything better sums up the feeling of most fans right now. Don’t misunderstand me; we all want to believe in the Bruins, but on any given night it’s tough to decide. They’ve got, in my opinion, the hottest goalie in the league in Tuukka Rask, they’ve got some of the best grinders in the league (I shuddered a bit using that term), and they’ve got a few guys that can find the net. Not enough, but a few. Oh, and what should be a strong defense. However, and that’s a big however, they can’t pull it together. Why? Maybe Venus is in the wrong position, maybe they’ve got the flu, maybe someone is injured, maybe they’re worried about a zit. I wouldn’t discount any of these things, it’s a bigger mystery than being in love.

Perhaps what I’m most worried about is becoming a team who takes one step forward and two steps back. The Bruins of last year were phenomenal. They played like they had everything to lose, every single game, and I was excited every game night. This year, they seem to have become complacent. It’s as if they think because they were good last year, they’ll be good again this year. They’ve forgotten how hard they worked. Does this mean that next year they’ll remember what they have to do and be on top of the Eastern Conference? And then the year after suck it up again?

My weak mental constitution can’t handle that bipolar play. If this is the start of a rollercoaster pattern, I’m going to beat the crap out of Shawn Thornton.

Samantha Lewis is a conference production assistant by day and a sports writer by night. She could win in a fight against Shawn Thornton. You can read more from her at Beantown Athletic Supporters.

Bruins Beat Cooke, Lose Game

That was depressing. I’m not even mad, I haven’t gone into a rage, but I’m thoroughly disappointed. If you live under a rock, I’m talking about the Bruins’ 3-0 loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins. You know, those guys with headhunter Matt Cooke.

The game seemed to be headed in the right direction, especially after Shawn Thornton approached Cooke to fight the second he skated onto the ice. Cooke obliged, despite his reluctance to remove his face mask, and Thornton beat him all the way down to the ice. And then he didn’t stop punching him. I don’t know about other fans, but I was practically standing on my couch cheering Thornton on. I didn’t care that he didn’t stop beating the crap out of Cooke’s already hideous face, I didn’t care that he would get a prolonged penalty, I felt like justice was being served. Almost legally, even. Shove it, Colin Campbell. I’m sure there are some people out there who frowned on Thornton for continuing his barrage of punches long after the refs tried to break it up, but he was fighting for a fallen friend and teammate who is still laying around in a dark room. It was justified, it was passion-fueled, and it was what needed to happen when Savard went down over a week ago.

And then, the Bruins checked out. Despite Thornton’s attempt to light a flame, the Bruins fizzled. Their passing was sloppy, they couldn’t stay on their feet, and the only other altercation was between Zdeno Chara and Michael Rupp whose face Chara had a hard time reaching. Does that even make sense? Aren’t his arms like 4 feet long?

I’m not going to go into the gory details of the game. I’m not going to tell you how many chances the Bruins missed. I won’t even talk about how many shots each team had (the B’s only had 17, the Pens 31). What I will say is that there’s no way fans are satisfied.

There was a lot of hype that went into this game and plenty of debate about what would make the fan base content. Some people wanted the Bruins to beat the crap out of players like Crosby and Malkin. Others, such as 98.5 The Sports Hub sports talk hosts Toucher and Rich, wanted Thornton to “sit down and have a grilled cheese sandwich” with Cooke. And then there were those who just wanted a win. After watching the game, I’m not satisfied. It’s not because no one was beaten up – Cooke got it handed to him. It’s not because of the loss either. It’s because we saw the same lifeless Bruins that we’ve been seeing night in and night out. Had Cooke gotten knocked around and the Bruins had lost something like 3-2 after a hard played game, I would have been happy. Expecting to beat Pittsburgh was unrealistic. They’re an excellent team and it would have taken a late Christmas miracle. And Santa Claus doesn’t even like the Bruins.

As a Bruins fan, I’ve got about as much passion left in me as the players seem to have. I’m sick of calling for management’s heads, I’m sick of questioning Julien’s coaching, and I’m sick of pointing fingers at players. I feel bad for guys like Shawn Thornton who try to carry the team but simply can’t. I even feel bad for Chara as a captain because despite being as dead as his team, it can’t be easy in that locker room right now.

There is one thing I’m questioning. Why didn’t Chiarelli call Savard’s mom up?

Samantha Lewis is the Creative Director of North Shore Editorial. She is starting to have nightmares about Bruins games. You can follow her on Twitter here, or read more from her at Beantown Athletic Supporters.

The Bruins or Doppelgangers? You Decide.

Were those the Boston Bruins I saw on the ice last night? I’m still unconvinced. I have a theory they were all doppelgangers bred in tubes in a lab in Maine. I’m on to you Maine. I know what you do up there.

Back to the Bruins. Last night, fans saw something they’ve been waiting for almost all season. A physical, Bruins dominated game, free of suck-age and crappy third period play. Despite the fact that Matt Cooke deserved to be severely punished, his concussing of our star, Marc Savard, seemed to light the fire that the Bruins so desperately needed.

Tuukka Rask’s doppelganger was on top of his game last night, Mark Stuart (who is absolutely out of his mind) got into two fights, and goals were scored by Blake Wheeler, Old Man Recchi, Patrice Bergeron, David Krejci, and Marco Sturm. Obviously all doppelgangers. Except Recchi. They tried to make his clone, but his DNA was determined to be superhuman. How else do you think he’s still playing like this at his age?

Honestly though, where has this been all season?! Where has Mark Stuart been all season?! This guy needs to beat someone up every game. I mean, fill in for Milan Lucic. Despite most fans’ cries for a more aggressive Looch, I’m buying the excuse that he’s still injured. Sure, injuries heal, but every time he steps onto the ice, he risks tweaking his ankle again. I’m sure he has. So Mark Stuart, come on down! The guy is 2 parts insane and 1 part reckless – a perfect mixture for a fighter. As long as he doesn’t do something idiotic like punch someone in the helmet and break his hand, I’m all for him initiating the physical play on this team. Maybe others will follow suit. After all, the Bruins aren’t a finesse team. They need to play aggressively to throw the opposition off their game. Last night they started to do just that.

Now, I’m not ready to jump back on the Bruins bandwagon quite yet. I’ve been walking behind it at a leisurely pace for most of the season. However, the Bruins play the Habs one last time during the regular season this Saturday night. Their record against the B’s this year is 4-1-0. Yes, they’re one of the best teams in the league, but I’m not convinced they’re unbeatable. We stomped them last year, and despite missing Savvy, the Bruins showed that they can score last night. If they do it again on Saturday, they’re back in my good graces. Mostly.

Until Saturday, I advise you to ride this Bruins high. Take what you can get, alright?

Samantha Lewis is the Creative Director of North Shore Editorial and can be followed on Twitter here. She is an expert in doppelganger creation, and you can read more of her conspiracy theories (or sports writing) over at Beantown Athletic Supporters.

More on Mike

I have this problem where I can’t stop writing about Mike Lowell. Everyday it’s Mike Lowell. Mike Lowell had a press conference, Mike Lowell is still going to be traded, Mike Lowell is staying with the Red Sox. It’s making my head spin and I want, strike that, need it to stop. I’m hoping I can cure said ailment by making myself tired of him. And so…

Theo Epstein “fully expects” Lowell to be on this team. Which is funny seeing as Lowell doesn’t really want to be on this team. Yes, he handled his press conference without saying, “eff these guys,” but he also made it clear that he sees himself as an every day player. If he stays with the Red Sox, there is no way he’ll be an every day player. Unless Beltre gets his knee broken…

Even that would be silly to say. Lowell knows he wasn’t on top of his game last year. Epstein couldn’t begin planning a future based on Lowell potentially being healthy, especially with the injury to his thumb. But now where will he fit in? Well, it looks like he may still be able to play the field at either first or third base depending on who needs a break – Youkilis or Beltre, or if Ortiz isn’t hot this year, it’s possible he’ll fill in part-time as a DH.

Epstein said, “Everyone agrees that you never know what’s going to happen in this game. Situations change all the time. If something opens up here for Mike to make more of an impact, play more, and we didn’t get him ready, then we didn’t do our job. So we’ve got to get him ready. Maybe something will open up, or maybe he’ll help in more of a reserve role.’’

Maybe, maybe, maybe. It’s all a big maybe for Mike Lowell this season unless he gets traded, and who can really be 100% content with that? I’m aware that there are millions of people who would gladly ride the pine for $12 million dollars a season, but they’re probably not athletes. Lowell is the epitome of an athlete. He loves the game, he wants to play, and he wants to win. When it comes down to clutch games, he doesn’t want to be sitting on the bench, he wants to be contributing. I know this seems like a grand and sweeping assumption, but I’ve been around athletes my whole life. They want to win and they want to be a part of the win. Especially if they know they’re good enough. Mike Lowell knows he’s good enough.

Regardless, the Red Sox have messed up with Lowell again. I doubt he’s ever felt 100% wanted with the Red Sox, but this time they’ve really done it. Lowell could be training with Texas right now had the Sox not ignored his report of a thumb injury. If it had been acknowledged and handled properly, he may be off with a team that isn’t scrambling to figure out what on earth they’re going to do with him. The good news is that it shouldn’t be too painful for the Red Sox fans to watch. There won’t be any “the Red Sox are too cheap” accusations, Lowell won’t be claiming that he’s got another five years in him and that he wants to spend two in Japan, he’ll just be there, ready to play when called upon. All I’m saying is that next year I’m buying a Mike Lowell jersey whether he’s with the Red Sox or not.

Samantha Lewis is the Creative Director of North Shore Editorial and can be found on Twitter here. You can read more from her at Beantown Athletic Supporters.

Being a Female Sports Blogger

Sports bloggers walk a thin line between fandom and journalism. Maybe that’s part of their appeal. Sports bloggers are in the unique position of being treated as any other member of the news media while still having the luxury of rooting for their home team and making the occasional comment about how much those other guys suck.

At the same time, it’s hard to draw the line between the two. It’s great to be allowed into events and games as press and it’s great to be taken seriously, but are you still allowed to write with the same freedom that you were before? I mean, you’ve got people like this guy who, while asking valid questions, makes himself look like a complete fool. You’ve also got female bloggers talking about how much they looooove a certain player. And it’s probably not in the innocent, love-your-brother way. We’re talking restraining order crazy.

Which brings me to my point: being a female sports blogger. Can you think of anything that’s a bigger joke than being a female sports blogger?! (That is a trick question). Seriously though, I think burger flippers at Wendy’s are taken more seriously than female sports bloggers. In general, male bloggers have achieved a certain level of respect and recognition. The good ones have established that the line between journalist and fan is a fan advocate, as was so eloquently expressed by Andrew Feinstein of sbnation. And that’s exactly what we should be. But what about the ladies? This column is called Hit like a Girl, after all. So what is expected of us? You can say, “the same thing” all you want, but that’s simply not the case. When female sports bloggers come into play readers expect sassy, sports savvy women who know the game and occasionally express their sheer and utter amazement at how attractive Patrice Bergeron is. I’m sorry. I got carried away again. But that’s exactly what happens. Does that mean I should be taken any less seriously? Think about it, even though my boyfriend picks on me endlessly for having a crush on half of the Boston Bruins team and thinking that Tom Brady is dreamy, I can write an analysis with the best of them. In fact, I probably know more about the sport I’m watching than you do. I grew up with a coach for a Dad for Christ’s sake, so do not argue with me about breaking down cover three or the rules of box lacrosse.

But here’s the rub – the predominant, popular sports are played by males. The sports I watch are played by males. Are you following? Now, what if the predominant, popular sports were played by females? Then I couldn’t blame a male sports blogger for commenting on how nice a player’s butt looks in her volleyball shorts. Maybe that’s crude, but I’m not one for double standards.

So when I stray from my point for five seconds to talk about how attractive Jacoby Ellsbury is, I don’t think anything of it. If I ever met Ellsbury, if I ever had to interview Ellsbury, hell, if I ever had to interview Ellsbury while he wore nothing but a jock strap and a white tee shirt, I would be fine. Does it matter that I’ve commented on his physical appearance before? Not to me. He’s in the public eye and these things will happen. I’m also happily taken. Oh, and my father has told me to stay away from athletes after having my heart broken by a football player one summer. I listen to my father. Sometimes. SO! Don’t get it into your little pea brain that I want anything more than to chat you up about sports, or maybe even your favorite zoo animal. But please understand it’s only because I’m curious. I have no desire to get into your gross, sweaty jock strap.

So that’s that. I’m a female sports blogger who isn’t afraid to talk about someone’s derriere and then meet him face to face and have a serious discussion about game strategy. If bloggers are fan advocates then I’m just being a female fan advocate; we care about the game, but we also care about how big someone’s arms are.

Samantha Lewis is the Creative Director of North Shore Editorial and can be found on Twitter here. You can read more from her at Beantown Athletic Supporters. Just to reiterate, she is not interested in your jock strap.

Hit Like A Girl-Where Tito Looks Like Elmer Fudd

Happy New Year and all that other crap! I hope each and every single person reading this gained more Christmas weight than I did (impossible!).

Boston sports have been boggling my mind lately. Mostly in the worst way possible. I’ve started a hit list of various GMs and head coaches. Ignore the twitching.

Since I missed writing this article so much last week, and I feel like I have a multitude of meaningless things to say that for whatever reason you will read (probably out of boredom, or you’re looking for that one last reason to commit suicide) I’m going to touch all the bases this week. You may now clap for the cheesy sports metaphor.

I’m going to start with the Celtics because despite having three of their stars on the bench with injuries, they still won their game against the Raptors, and beat the Heat. Everyone keeps saying that they’re amazed, but there isn’t anything to be amazed about. The Celts are a solid team that can play with or without their stars. It’s their stars that bring them continuous success, but the team is strong enough and cohesive enough that when one (or THREE) of these guys is out, they can win a game. I hate basketball, but for that, Celtics, I applaud you.

The Patriots are screwed. They were screwed before they lost Wes Welker to a knee injury, but they’re even more screwed now. Screwed, screwed, screwed...just in case you weren’t getting the point the first three times I said it. The Pats haven’t really played well all season. They played well enough to get by. In fact, I don’t feel like we saw the Patriots team that we know and love until they played the Jaguars. Great timing guys. It was one of the last games of the season and the next game you went on to lose your best wide receiver. Before the Welker injury, a Patriots Super Bowl win would have required a miracle. Now it would require a miracle and for Tom Brady to give up his wonder-spawn to the Lord of the Underworld. Gisele won’t go for that.

In terms of baseball, the Red Sox are giving me an ulcer. I need to either stop paying attention to the trades made in the off-season or stop caring. Neither of those things seem like they’re going to happen, so I suppose I’m stuck waking up with a stomach ache every day. I’m not even kidding. I’ve had a stomach ache every day this week. I blame Boston sports.

Getting back on track...the only signing that I’m happy with is the Lackey signing. Other than that, Theo Epstein seems to have some creepy fascination with Golden Glovers. Theo. Darling. Our defense is one of the best I’ve ever seen. It’s phenomenal! It would make me squeal with glee if we had at least one slugger. Unfortunately, we do not. Because you are a dinkus. Regardless of whether it is a win or a loss, every game will be 1-0.

The Boston Bruins are a hot mess, no? The only guys playing up to the level they should be playing are Patrice Bergeron and Tuukka Rask. Unfortunately, since Dennis Wideman is a schmuck, Bergy is out for a few weeks. Thanks a lot, asshole.

For the most part, the B’s have been unable to sustain a streak this season. There was one going on for a while around the beginning of the season, but they inevitably blew it when they got too cocky. It’s almost as though they feel they deserve to win without putting forth the effort. And then, when they lose embarrassingly, they come back the next game to make up for it. Unfortunately, playing like that will not win them a Stanley Cup.

It’s not even that we need a 50 goal a season scorer right now. B’s fans need to stop blaming our lack of solid offense on the fact that we traded Kessel. Kessel was a little shit who didn’t fit at all with the team. He wasn’t a hard worker, he wasn’t physical, and he skated with his head down ALL THE TIME. That last item has nothing to do with my point, it just really bothered me. If guys like Ryder and Sturm would push a little harder (Savard would be included had he not wrecked his leg against the Blackhawks), we would be fine. These guys have been a huge disappointment this season and I’m about to stalk them to their homes and show them a thing or two about passion.

Ah-hem. Excuse me, that was inappropriate.

With the New Year comes… well, nothing new unfortunately. Don’t get down though. Terry Francona looks like Elmer Fudd. If that doesn’t make you smile then you’re missing part of your soul.


Samantha Lewis is the Creative Director for Northshore Editorial and can be found on Twitter right here. She's pretty much a harbinger of doom and destruction.

Hit Like a Girl - Christmas Wishlist

So it’s Christmas! Well, almost. And since I’m busy wrapping presents, eating disgusting amounts of candy and cookies, not going to the gym, and spending whatever time is left between bites of cookies with loved ones, I’m going to keep it short and sweet this week.

All I want for Christmas is…

Brett Favre to act like a grown man for a WHOLE season or just retire already.

Mike Lowell to be appreciated.

Milan Lucic AND Patrice Bergeron. Perhaps Marc Savard too…

Felger and Mazz to love one another.

A bag for John Lackey’s Sloth face.

Randy Moss to give a shit.

Rasheed Wallace to be struck by a bus (Not fatally. It’s Christmas for Christ’s sake!)

The Bruins to win the cup before I turn 25.

I changed my mind. Randy Moss to go to another team.

Tickets to the Winter Classic (No seriously. Get me some.)

Kathryn Tappen’s job.

Tiger Woods’ money. I slept with him too, you know! What? I swear I did!

Tuukka Time, all the time.

Jason Bay to come back to Boston.

I don’t ask for much. If you or anyone you know can arrange for anything on this list to be taken care of please shoot me a tweet @slew. If not, leave me alone, you internet creep! What do you want for Christmas? (Editor's Note:Don't even think about it, sicko)

Samantha Lewis is the Creative Director for Northshore Editorial and can be found on Twitter right here. She has a mild Swiffer addiction.

Hit Like a Girl-#RedSox or Red Alert?

I’m feeling less twitchy about the Red Sox this week. The mention of a bridge year by Theo Epstein had me all but eating babies. Now, whether it was pressure from crazy Red Sox fans or just him regaining his sane mind, it doesn’t really seem as though Mr. Epstein has a bridge year in mind. Especially after acquiring John Lackey. That’s not a bridge year kind of signing Theo! What are you up to over there you little rascal?

Just as a bit of friendly advice (because Theo Epstein reads my column, you know), you may want to be more careful when tugging on the heartstrings of Bostonians. There is a bout of road rage going around.

If you don’t hear from me next week it’s because I was arrested for threatening Theo Epstein (or because it’s Christmas, DUH). Tell my mom I’m sorry.

Now, in general I don’t feel like the recent signings are enough to make us a World Series team. If we don’t get a bat in the lineup I’m likely to go insane. Literally. Like, "send me to an institution with padded walls" insane. Mike Cameron is a decent player, but he’s no Jason Bay. Yes, I know Bay isn’t gone yet, but let’s be realistic. If they wanted to sign Bay they wouldn’t have brought on Cameron. And Cameron is “meh” when it comes to hitting in comparison to Bay.

Lackey will certainly bring more depth to the Sox’ already stellar starting rotation, but he’s obviously not a bat. I do have to say though, I’m excited that he’s here. Even if I wasn’t, I would never speak ill of him. He’s a scary, scary man who somewhat resembles Sloth from The Goonies. In fact, I heard they were distant cousins.

As an aside: Will all of you crazies out there who think that Lackey’s arrival means an eventual farewell to Beckett just shut up? I doubt there is any way the Sox are letting him go any time soon unless he goes all Kenny F'ing Powers on us and demands an outrageous amount of money because he’s f'ing in and you’re f'ing out! Regardless of what he wants, the Sox are going to have the money to spend. Lowell, Ortiz, and Lugo’s contracts are up. Let’s not get all stingy with the money now. I’m talking to you, John Henry.

As a second aside: I’m over Ortiz. I just wish he would retire so that we can all remember him as the great power hitter he was and not the limp-wristed ninny he has become.

Getting back on track, I’m a bit baffled by the Cameron acquisition. He seems like a thoroughly decent guy, plenty of personality, but why him? Why not Bay? I realize that he’s less expensive to have on the roster, and that he has decent stats, but really? I’m feeling blah about this one. His signing is neither exciting nor disappointing, it just is. I don’t know, maybe even I, an avid hater of Manny Ramirez, am still holding out in hopes that his double exists.

Regardless, my mind continues to be boggled by this Jason Bay nonsense. I simply don’t understand why he’s not good enough. He’s a proven, solid player who does well in Fenway and was a quick fan favorite. His defensive skills could be better, but despite that he was a great fit. I don’t think Sox fans could have hoped for better after the departure of Manny. Yet, this mystery “medical issue” or whatever the hell you want to call it has prevented us from keeping a player that would have contributed significantly to the team. It’s not like he was asking for 6 or 7 years. I believe Bay is 31 (I’m far too lazy to look it up), and he only wanted until he was 35 (if he is, in fact, 31).The Red Sox aren’t strangers to clauses in contracts that protect them from pre-existing medical conditions. They’re doing exactly what I said they would do, going for the two for one discount: Mike Cameron and Jeremy Hermida for just 5 million less than the price of one Jason Bay. I’d rather have Jason Bay.

Now, if we want to talk about someone I am willing to kick out the door, it’s Jacoby Ellsbury. Especially if we’ll be getting Adrian Gonzalez. The thought of that trade makes me uncomfortably happy. It’s not that I have anything against Ellsbury, I think he’s a fine player. But with all the issues he had last year with getting on base, I’d rather have someone who can knock it out of the park. Do it, Theo. Do it now.

Last but not least: Mike Lowell is still in Boston. For now. As of 1pm on Thursday. He hasn’t left me yet! At this point I just feel bad for the guy. The Sox are showing him no love. I guess I’m ready for it. Hell, if I was Lowell I would want out at this point. This is the second year now that the Red Sox have tried to rid themselves of him. Mike, if you need a shoulder to cry on, you can come on over. I’ll comfort you. As long as Milan Lucic and Patrice Bergeron aren’t over. (Even Sam makes Lowell feel like he's second-best).

Samantha Lewis is the author of "Hit Like a Girl". She is the Creative Director of Northshore Editorial in Salem, MA and can be followed on Twitter. She wasn't born when The Goonies were originally released.

Hit Like A Girl-On the 7th Day...

Who came up with hockey? I started to Wikipedia it, because Wikipedia has all the answers, but then I decided I’d rather just stick with the delusion under which I’ve been operating for a few years now.

On the seventh day,God did not rest. God made hockey.

I suppose I was doomed to love hockey. When I was young, it was a treat for my brother and I to stay up and watch the beginning of Rangers games (lest you forget, I am from New York). Over the years I’ve dabbled in various things hockey-related. Skating, hockey games, hockey players…

Disregard that last item.

Seriously though, my lovely significant other used to be an excellent goalie in high school. I’m telling you, there is a certain allure to hockey players. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: there is something humbling about missing your teeth. Or the potential of losing your teeth. Either one works. And aside from Sean Avery, hockey players seem to be pretty cool guys.

By the way, I would like the record to show that Sean Avery is the ultimate dink. I pray every night that he grows his very own pair of testicles some day.

Moving on.

How about those Bruins, huh? HUH?! As I type this they’re playing. By the time you read this article they probably will have lost. But let me keep the faith for at least another hour or so.

For the majority of this season, I’ve kept my love for the B's intact by obsessively checking out the photos of select Bruins studs that appeared in the Improper Bostonian. They’re even hanging in my cube at work. I don’t know what you men did. The only thing that kept me turning on Bruins games was Patrice Bergeron’s utter sexiness in a skinny, purple tie, Marc Savard’s piercing gaze, and Marco Sturm’s seductive smile. Who am I kidding? All you manly men out there were staring at them too.

Now I can almost watch the Bruins without having to take a long, cleansing shower afterwards! I don’t have to down a shot of Nyquil when someone mentions how much longer Lucic and Savard will be out! Why? The power play. Not only do the B's seems to be capable of hitting more than a post, but they scored during a power play.

The clouds opened up and angels sang. Literally.

The Bruins have finally started playing as God intended! They’re playing smart, they’re playing physical, and they’re taking no prisoners. OK, so that may be hockey as Satan intended, but most of us (those not in the loony, mixed up part of the country) know that Satan is cooler (and way more fun) than the Lord our savior. In fact, if God really loved us, the NHL would allow more checking, but that’s neither here nor there. What’s important is that the Bruins can score. They’re fun to watch again. Can you imagine what they’ll play like when Looch and Savard are back? It’s going to be complete and utter destruction.

As Jack Edwards would say, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS BUILDING IS VIBRATING!”

Samantha Lewis is the author of "Hit Like a Girl". She is the Creative Director of Northshore Editorial in Salem, MA and can be followed on Twitter. It was recently discovered she was not conceived, but just "made of awesome".

Hit Like A Girl-Olive Branch Extended

“I’ll give you one last chance to be a Yankees fan again.”

My dad extended this enticing offer at some point last week when the Yankees were beating the Angels. Again. And A-Rod hadn’t yet been told it was the post-season. And CC Sabathia seemed to be throwing rocket launchers across the plate.

For a second, I considered the offer. My father would accept me back into the family, I wouldn’t have to change my last name, and he might stop buying me New York sports paraphernalia in an attempt to get me to root for the “right teams” again. Despite the fact that I lovingly told him to screw off (I’m sweet like that) and declined, I can’t help but acknowledge how dominant the Yankees have been this post season. And now, after writing that sentence, my father loves me again. And Matty hates me. If I’m not here next week, it’s because your favorite Phillies fan has kindly asked that I never come back to this site.

However, there are three reasons it’s unlikely I’ll be rooting for the Yankees again.

1.I live in Boston.

During my freshman year in college my friend Kate and I were riding home from Boston on the T. After a Red Sox game. As we rode peacefully on the hot, crowded Green Line, Kate said, “I should tell them all you’re a Yankees fan.” I know what they do to those people. Unlike you, Dad, there is a serious threat to my wellbeing as a 5’5”, petite, blonde woman. You know karate, but I am helpless to defend myself! Perhaps if you had taught me some badass karate moves, I wouldn’t have been scared into being a Red Sox fan in the first place.

2.The Red Sox are more fun (for masochists) to watch.

After initially beginning to watch the Red Sox as a result of feeling threatened, I actually discovered that Boston fans and I have a lot in common. We love to suffer. Seriously, life can’t be too good. Something will always go wrong. That’s how I like to live my life, that’s how Red Sox fans live their lives. We are like peas in a pod. Plus, winning all the time gives me less to complain about. You know me, Dad. If I’m not complaining, I’m probably not alive.

3.Dustin Pedroia, Tim Wakefield, Josh Beckett, Mike Lowell…

The list goes on. The point is, they trump Jeter, A-Rod, Texiera, and Posada any day. Why? Well, in the end pinstripes just aren’t that flattering.

Sorry dad, but I’ll take the Green Monster over a home-run enhancing right field any day. Plus, I have a hunch that if the Yankees win the series this year, I will get another “last chance to be a Yankees fan!”

Samantha Lewis is the author of "Hit Like a Girl". She is the Creative Director of Northshore Editorial in Salem, MA and can be followed on Twitter